So, in order to fill my day and add value to the show, I volunteered to take part in the crime and punishment segment - as the adulterous wife! :-)
Of all the men in camp, my 'husband' just happened to be the biggest - and the most awesome looking.....and married in reality to a good friend of mine.
So allow me to take you back in time to 1370 and tell a sad story....
My name is Mistress Brambles and I am married to Billy Brambles, brother of Sergeant Little, sergeant at arms of my Lord Hungerford. Billy is a powerful and violent man who is an impressive soldier but not a sensitive husband and I am an unhappy wife.
I meet Arthur Fopwood, the elegant and debonair younger son of the Earl of Fopwood - meaning he has money and no responsibility. We hit it off and a friendship develops, fuelled by his love of poetry and my desperation in a tumultuous marriage.
But when my 'beloved' husband saw me promenading the castle with young Arthur of Fopwood, he demanded Arthur and I be tried by our Lord Hungerford for adultery.
He dragged me off through the market to get justice from the court. Meanwhile, Arthur was taken into custody by the guard.
Here is Segeant Little giving evidence on behalf of his wronged brother, Billy Brambles. I am begging for leniency on my knees by my husband - young Arthur is being held between the two big ugly soldiers on the right.
Sadly, my Lord found grounds for the case and decreed that Arthur's innocence would be decided by trial by combat - against my husband.
We were all required to swear our allegiance and accept the outcome of the trial on the Holy Bible. Arthur had no fighting garb, so he was dressed in the clothes of a poor recently deceased soldier.
Needless to say, despite his best efforts and using all the skills he had read about, Arthur was no match for my big angry husband - and the outcome was inevitable....
So, as a result of the trial by combat, the delightful and entertaining young Fopwood was decreed guilty, taken from the arena, stripped naked and thrown out of the castle.
But that still left my punishment. I cowered in fear as my Lord Hungerford spoke about the choices - burning at the stake or delivery into the hands of my cuckolded husband. Given the effeminate nature of Arthur, my Lord decreed that any adultery would have been impossible and decided to be lenient, handing me over to my husband for punishment as he saw fit.
I was duly taken from the field and was (very noisily) beaten by my husband.When walking later I discovered Arthur's hat, which was my last memento of my lost friend.
So, that is the sad story of the misguided friendship between Mistress Brambles and Arthur of Fopwood - tune in tomorrow to read what it's like being an 'adulterous wife' in the 14C..