Remembering

Hiatus

Turmoil, confusion, depression...

Blog on hiatus...

cq

Medieval Man

This is our Master Burley, a Knight in training.......taking a moment of peace before going into battle......

Isn't this photo fantastic?

It was taken by Burley's (aka Johno!) real life wife, the lovely Hannah. I love it - the colours of his jupon go with his battle-scarred armour and his thoughtful expression looks SO real.....one mitt in hand, working out some brilliant strategy to beat his opponent.

cq

Back to the Field

Yesterday I joined my re-enactment group for the day to test my knee - and, to be honest, I couldn't stay away any more!

They were at the delicious Caerphilly Castle and the weather was glorious!

My intention was to have a day out, take lots of photos and exercise my knee. Being a re-enactor, of course, I took some kit - just in case! It took about five minutes to decide to dump the 21C and get into my kit to join the 14C........so my rucksack was tucked away (complete with camera) and I spent the day in a long dress and bare feet.

The guys seemed pleased to see me, I got lots of hugs and it almost felt like going home. The fire was lit and the the pork was roasting on the spit. The sun beat down as the lads went through the siege engine shows and the battle. (Siege engines; from the left - mangonel, trebuchet and perrier) The court scene in the Great Hall had some new elements and the public seemed to appreciate the shows.

It was a good day, I got to see some of my dearest friends again. Especially George, who is off to Rome shortly for six months and I'm going to miss her - but she was there, all smiles and hugs. Her husband will be around for another few weeks and then we say goodbye to him too for a while. They'll be missed in the company.

I guess I am an addict :-)

cq

Weekly Round-Up

What a week - I haven't been around much. I put it down to continuing post-operative depression.

Being back at work was fun as well as a challenge; I like my colleagues and we have a laugh, but with my boss on holiday things piled up quickly, so by Monday it was a bit of a slog.

On Tuesday I got into lots of physical activity - walking across site, lots of standing around and then some lifting and carrying in the afternoon to organise my storeroom. All this put new pressure on my knee and overnight Tuesday night it swelled and became very painful.

On Tuesday evening I went with Cyberkitten, BionicDwarf and SleepyPete to see the new Star Trek. Oh, my, that movie has split the group and we have argued about it since. Cyberkitten hated it, the Bionic One and the Sleepy One saw the flaws but enjoyed it nonetheless, and I thought it a cracking way to pass a couple of hours (whisper: although the lad playing Kirk annoyed the crap outta me!).

On Wednesday I realised I had overdone things as I struggled to walk on my knee. That called for a slowdown and I took a couple of days sick while I rested my knee with a new respect.

On Friday it was back to work and a busy long day was very profitable and I got a lot done.

As for my on-line existence, I have not been feeling much like blogging or Booking - sometimes one just doesn't feel very sociable. Even my dress and shoes sit half-completed.

cq

First Day

First Day back at work.........

tired Crazie One.......

cq

Exercise

Well, I got sick of these four walls and sitting 'with the affected leg elevated'. With some errands to run and a beautiful Spring day beckoning me outside I decided to stroll (gently!) into town to look at the shops to practice my mobility before going back to work on Thursday.

I remembered all the medical advice and tried to walk as evenly as possible and to keep the speed at a minimum. I was even overtaken by little old people! My knee was surprisingly good, it didn't start hurting until I was on my way home. With it elevated again this afternoon and some new pain relief, I am feeling much more positive.

One of my errands was new road tax for my little ol' jalopy. The adverts warning people to keep their legally required road tax current is strong (picture crushing cars etc) and the penalties for being stopped without it are quite steep.

So as I was a little overdue because of the convalescence, I apologised profusely at the post office - fully expecting the police to burst out and arrest me on the spot...at the very least a stern talking to from the post office representative.
'Oh, no problem at all, madam,' said the chap at the window. Nothing like a mixed message about a legally required document....

cq

Targets...

are made to be broken........[shucks]

I wasn't terribly well the last couple of days. I stopped the painkillers because I was sick of feeling sick........

Once I was feeling a bit more human I dug out my renactment stuff - there are always things to do!

I basted my new overdress dress...
and I started on my new shoes....I cut out the shapes from a cereal box, using the guides from our resident expert....
Arrange the pieces on the leather to ensure the least wastage..
And voila! Shoes ready to be sewn.....
First sew the uppers together using a hidden stitch - shoe stitching was not visible in the 14C style....beeswax is essential to make the needle and thread go through the leather easier....

And now, before embarking on the complicated double stitching on the sole which will make the shoe shape more defined, I am taking a short break from shoemaking....

The Company of Chivalry is back in the field this afternoon for the Bank Holiday weekend and I, again, am not going. My knee is still rather weak - although it is showing signs of improvement on what it has been!

cq

Action Plan

Being a civil servant for 20+ years, everything is related to by targets [wry grin]

MB is back at work today. I am mobile, sort of, and reasonably self-sufficient for the simple stuff. I have been a bit low lately - must be the GA and the pain.

But today I got a wonderful surprise in the post; lovely get well cards from two of the women at work. Plus I got one a couple of days ago from my boss. They are so thoughtful and considerate, it quite cheered me.

Today's target is to get dressed.......let's see how that goes.

Steps forward and back:

Yes, I got washed and dressed - and stayed awake for most of the day.

But then MB got distracted by emails and I ended up cooking most of dinner .... which resulted in pain killers and icepacks! I knew it was a mistake when I lost my balance and nearly put my hand on the stove.

cq

Sunday

I'm feeling a little more human today, blimey that general anaesthetic don't half take it out of you!

First job of the morning is to change my dressings and check my knee for swelling etc (I have icepacks if it does swell). My knee was very sore last night and this morning I was not impressed to find a large blood blister under one hospital provided plaster and a sore patch under the other. So I have cleaned the knee with antiseptic, pinched the blister and replaced the adhesive dressings with gauze and a full bandage. Gotta love cheap plasters! I have now given MB a shopping list of better quality dressings and antiseptic wipes.

Sitting down and getting up are painful, as is just getting started walking. The knee eases with movement but then just as quickly deteriorates. I have a nice cocktail of painkillers through the day, but they make me nauseous so I take them reluctantly.

Isn't it strange how life goes on in the big wide world yet, in my little convalescent life the world seems to have stopped. Texts come and go, I log into Facebook to check in with friends, emails are swapped, but life is in limbo here. I'm not complaining, although it is a weird sensation to realise you have been staring at a wall for three hours.....

cq

Told ya so!

So that's what it feels like to sleep for 24 hours! Waking up now and then for food and drink and, more importantly, painkillers, I slept straight through.
I had the anti-nausea drug before my op and they decided against morphine, given a bad history of that too, so I just ended up feeling - well, seasick is the best description. Still nauseous but not throwing up every five minutes.
I was the last to leave day surgery because of the nausea.

And the headache! I got a killer migraine after the op. It hurt just to open my eyes. That, thankfully, has gone now too. Still a bit of a headache, but not crippling.

My knee, not surprisingly, is a world of pain. Some of it has been controlled by the painkillers, and some reduced when I found my stitches had pulled and rebandaged it. On inspection I have one small incision on the inner side and one larger one on the outer side of my knee. Using a camera they inspected, repaired and trimmed my meniscus, the cartilage between the leg bones behind the kneecap, and that should stop the pain I have had for the last eight months.

My hands are also quite painful and swollen as they took three goes to get the cannula in for my anaesthetic. Apparently, I have very small veins in my hands! In the end, and after many tears, they put it towards the back of my hand over the wrist knuckle - which meant pain every time I moved my wrist and you could see the needle under my skin. Needless to say, I was thrilled when *that* came out!

I have been taking my drugs responsibly and started my exercises. Well, for the four hours I have been awake!

I still hate hospitals and admire everyone who works in there. Also, big love to my darling Aginoth who has been readmitted for intensive treatment for his psoriasis which is out of control again. Luckily I was only in one day - he's in for three weeks!

[yawn] tired now - back to bed........

Update (Friday, I think): The backs of both my hands are so bruised they are black - I must remember that next time anyone tries to insert a cannula.
My knee is ok, painful but manageable. Intending to spend some time downstairs today, but I am still very sleepy - could be the painkillers.
Kittycats are sterling nurses - one or both with me at all times. Charlie has walked on my bad knee twice - but he's forgiven because he is a doll-face :-)

Update Two (Friday night) I just undid the good work of 48hrs rest with a quick hairwash and 'top 'n' tail' at the sink (showers being not allowed for the first week or so until the holes are healing properly). I have done something, twisted my leg or something, and my knee is sooooooo painful now - every step makes me cry out. Guess I was too smug...

cq

Ready to Go

Well, I'm all packed ready for the hospital tomorrow. Even though it is 'day' surgery they say to bring an overnight bag in case you have to stay.
I splurged and bought the aforementioned new purple dressing gown and some dinky new slippers, so I'll be the best dressed patient on the ward!

I have chosen a suitable companion for my brief stay - it is one of my Bear Factory (what is now Build a Bear) bears, Frostie, who has his own pyjamas and dressing gown so he's all ready to go.

And I have packed a nice big book to occupy my mind while I am waiting my turn..Like most people, I don't like hospitals and get very weepy when I think about it. So I'm blanking out in front of the TV tonight and trying not to think about tomorrow morning.

cq

Memories

I've been a bit remiss in my blogging lately. Not only is my operation preying on my mind and I am yearning to join my re-enactment friends in the field, but the postman brought more weight to my shoulders.

I got an invitation to my brother's 25th wedding anniversary party. I had to decline the invitation due to my impending operation but I don't feel I would be a huge loss as there will be family members who will be glad of my absence.

But if it's A's 25th anniversary then that means it's mine too as we were married only three weeks apart in May 1984. Wow, the 25th anniversary of my disastrous and abusive marriage. While chatting about it on the phone my mother dismissed it saying she didn't count my marriage and didn't even consider it.

But it was possibly the most difficult miserable 14 months of my life, culminating in my running away at night and hiding out at a friend's house, followed by months of seeing my ex-husband at every turn making me into a nervous wreck. Additionally, he refused to see his own faults and refused me a divorce. After a year of this, the pain only eased slightly when I sacrificed myself and my reputation for a divorce in desperation.

Of course, the memories of my marriage lead, inevitably, to thoughts of my unborn child. He/she would be 24 this year. With that child my life would have been SO different.

Opening one little unknowing door can lead to so many rooms wherein lie the memories locked away over a lifetime.....

All this on top of my anxiety about my knee surgery has made me most introverted and quiet. Crawling under a rock seems a good option at the moment.

cq

Medieval Grumps

If it weren't for my knee today I would be loading up my car with all the medieval stuff you can imagine - big canvas tent, canvas stool, coin die, clothes, knives, bowls, belts, pouches, boxes, shoe-making stuff and a token amount of 21C clothing - because this is the weekend of the first Company of Chivalry event of the 2009 season.

I would be stopping off to pick up my friend and tentmate Leggy before heading off across the River Severn into Wales and going to our favourite haunt, Caerphilly Castle.Unlike the general populace we are allowed to drive into the castle, in order to offload all our kit. So I would drive carefully up the path, hazard lights on and mindful of pedestrians, across the drawbridge and through the huge oak doors with the iron latches, parking in the outer bailey. First job would be to put the kettle on while we wait for people to arrive. When the van arrives we would all help unload the huge amount of company equipment from it.

I would unpack the tent and, with the help of a couple of the men, erect it to create our temporary home for the weekend. It's a very old tent, been through several hands, but is still doing sterling (if a little damp) service. We would empty the car into the tent and then try and make sense of the madness.

With the sun still shining, a fire would be lit, the local fish and chip shop will be raided and the alcohol will be fished out of various bags and boxes.

There will be laughter, teasing, and camaraderie, hugs and cuddles. Traditionally on the first event of the year new equipment and clothing is usually held up for general admiration and discussion. I know some of the smelly soldiers have new swords and mail, and there are a few new skills in the group to be debated - with the help of alcohol, of course!

But I am at home with a duff knee, dying material for new dresses, only dreaming of being there........and a bad case of the medieval grumps...

Update: They're all home happy after a dry, sunny and very successful weekend
:-)

cq

Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary

The hospital date for my knee arthroscopy (keyhole surgery) is now set for 22 April. Everything is in place; work has been juggled around and meetings cancelled, my boss is content and MB has been given three days special leave to help out with his poor crippled wifelet afer surgery. The surgery will be followed by a period of sick leave, probably two weeks according to those in the know, and it'll be two months until my knee is fully recovered.

Before I got my letter I was miserable because my knee hurt and had hurt for a long time and I didn't know when it would get fixed. I found my knee would get inflamed after any kind of effort, which is why I ended up on crutches for two months with a fluid-filled knee.
I was unhappy because it was looking like I would miss a lot of the re-enactment season and that was not a nice prospect as I have fallen in love with the life of a re-enactor. But if I can't bend my knee I can't live rough......

Now I know I am booked in for surgery I should be thrilled but I have a whole lot of new worries. The paperwork says I'll be having a general anaesthetic. I've only had GA once and it made me terribly sick; I threw up for days! Also, like everyone else, I hate hospitals and anything remotely connected with those places - except the people; I have been looked after by some wonderful (if horribly overworked) nurses and doctors. I am scared the surgery will be that small percent that is not totally successful. I am worried that the arthritis in my knees may affect the results. I am concerned that I may be one of the few patients who have to stay in hospital overnight. I am worried how I will cope after the surgery and hate the prospect of being dependent on MB.

So many worries, so little time.....

Of course, I still have crazie decisions to make.....which book to take to read while I'm waiting/recovering - and, more importantly, which teddy bear to take!

cq

The Knee Thing

Yay! I have a date!!

22 April 2009.....

Damn! It's the week MB is away with work in Scotland......!

Anyone want to spend a couple of days with a sick person??

Update: MB is not going to Scotland and has been given three days special leave to be with me....

cq

A Lovely Evening Out - up to a point....

Tonight was a long awaited night out with Bobkat - I have no social life; I wait on her availability :-)

It started well; I went to buy 5 litres of oil for my little aged car and was offered a free set of screwdrivers with it - accepted!
I found the latest Alexander McCall Smith 'Mma Ramotswe' novel at a deal price - I recommend this marvellous author and his novels set in Gabarone, Botswana!
I had a nice restful cup of coffee reading my new book.

I bought the cinema tickets and met with Bob for our dinner in our usual haunt.
We had fun with the cute young Italian waiter - admittedly he spoilt it a little bit by knowing how cute he was....but it made for an entertaining meal for the two middle-aged women...and we tipped him accordingly.

Then it was movie time - we didn't expect too much from the frothy chick flick......but this film should come with a health warning!

Jennifer Aniston and Owen Wilson in 'Marley and Me'.
It started off well and the story built steadily with a mix of reality and comedy, but watch out for the ending! As we collected our belongings and started to leave the cinema, there were girls sniffing into tissues and men holding their women comfortingly.
We came out thinking that the film should have been buoyed at the end in some way, but it ended on such a sad note. If you're planning to see this - take tissues!
I couldn't help but think 'Old Yeller'.....but not so dramatic.

Now I'm really annoyed with Hollywood - I sneaked the book off the shelf and looked at the ending - and it ended on the now middle-aged couple coming across a homeless dog who was the image of Marley and the words 'shall we take him home?'

Now that would have just finished the film off nicely, instead of the heartbreaking ending Hollywood assigned it.

cq

*That* Day

This weekend is Mother's Day in the UK, a time to offer thanks to the mothers in our lives, and to celebrate the miracle of motherhood.

I don't like this big 'Day' simply because it is an annual reminder of my inability to have children. I know, I know; I have children in my life (most recently the little Aginoths) and have always had children around in one way or another.

But I have never been able to bear my own children and truly express my maternal instinct. My only acknowedged pregnancy ended in miscarriage and I was never able to sustain another - and 12 years ago I was diagnosed with problems that explained my barrenness.

But there is a boy in my life - well, he is a grown man, but he will always be 'my boy'. We have been friends for ten years and I love him dearly.

You can meet him here; his name is SleepyPete. When he heard about my problems a few years ago he hatched a plot to make me feel better each year.

Every Mother's Day I get a glorious bouquet to show how much I am still loved and appreciated despite my natural failings in the world of Motherdom.

Look at the pretty flowers my boy sent me this year! :-)

This weekend Pete is with his own family, making his mum's Mother's Day so special, but a little spirit of my boy is here with me, giving me a gentle floral hug....

cq

What a week...

The week started gently and rapidly gathered speed....

Monday was mostly paperwork and website building.

On Tuesday I was called to a casualty. Being centrally based and the first aid site instructor, I am often the first person the security office call for an injury/incident. Tuesday's chap was a confusing mix of symptoms; vomiting, dizziness, pins and needles, disorientation, cold clammy skin and thready fast pulse. With no improvement after ceasing vomiting and with rest and reassurance I called for an ambulance. The chap was kept in hospital overnight with a suspected inner ear infection - which explains the mix of symptoms.

Wednesday I was teaching classes in CPR and use of automated defibrillators. My classes were a nice mix of civil servants, Air Force, Army and Navy. The first one was packed out, the second class was very 'intimate' with only half a dozen. No class too big or too small :-)

Thursday; more teaching - this time 1:2 practicals where the staff get to play with the resuscitation manikin and the training defibrillator. A long day with 16 students at two at a time.
Funniest quote this week from these magnificent volunteers;
'it's ok; I'm a defib opulator!'
I think I'll keep the word 'opulator' - it's a great word!

In addition Thursday was our nominated day for the site Cancer Awareness Day with a display with lots of leaflets and information - all organised by me around my teaching. That was in recognition that here in the UK March is National Prostate Cancer and Ovarian Cancer month.

After two and a half long days on my feet I woke up this morning to find my bad knee was very swollen and my back ached - so I arranged to take today off and spent all day with my feet up. MB was worried about the hours I put in this week, so he was pleased I took the day off and rested.

We're looking forward to a lovely sunny spring weekend this weekend - the weather is looking good and we've had a tremendous week of sunshine.....not that I saw a lot of it!

Funniest thing I heard this week. As I bemoaned my lack of chocolate (I rashly gave it up for Lent!!) one of my students quipped 'Being atheist has its benefits!' :-)

cq

The Crazie One Went to Market and....

...bought some medieval cool stuff!

I took my camera and managed to juggle it with my crutches (still needed for long periods on my feet) to take a couple of photos.At The Original Re-Enactors Market (TORM) there was everything from dental and surgical equipment - cauterisation ladle anyone? No? Amputation chisel?

to

leather accessories for your Lordship's horse...modelled by some dubious plastercast horse's heads!Careful, LMD, don't get too close!

Some stalls seem to have a lot of knives, and some daggers too........trays and trays of knives for every occasion - except the one I want!

I bought some lovely stuff.......new mugs (two of); on the left is called the sherwood and the one on the right is a basic tankard.oh, and I succumbed and bought some delicious fudge, honey/oatmeal jacks and some rosehip jam.And I splashed out and bought myself a new workbox - look at my lovely box! It even looks good with my new mugs in it - with the new block of delicious beeswax I bought as well (you use it to lubricate needles for leather work). My beeswax smells wonderfully of - well - beeswax....I wish this was smellyvision!
It's such a pretty box - I love it! And so does William.......King of the box! :-)
Why do I think I am not getting my new box back??

cq