Thursday, February 10, 2011

Regrets...Quite a few....

You never know what a can of worms a simple act will open...
When I was 17 I got a job working in a house with four beautiful children. The youngest, Katie (1), had clicky hips and was in hospital when I arrived (part of my duties was to visit with her regularly) and Ben (3), Emma (5) and Becca (7) filled my days until the littlest one came home with a custom made wheelchair. Then my life was centred on her and her siblings, through whooping cough, chicken pox, growing pains, broken bones and school uniforms.
The children helped me grow and taught me patience and unconditional love. I learnt to care for their pets (cats, dogs, goats, pony) and even scythed grass and painted buildings - a varied and enjoyable time in my life.
I have cherished sweet memories of these four children and of the wonderful four years I spent sharing their lives and their home, a run down farmhouse in the middle of nowhere - full of music and noise.
A few months ago, I happened across Ben's email address on the web and popped him a short email to say hi, how you doing. Well, it has only been 26 years....!
It was miraculous, he remembered me and those happy days and replied to me with a photo of his own children - who are the spit of their dad at that age! He caught me up with his sisters and their families, and even my little Katie is expecting her first baby in May.
But then he asked me what did I go on to do and what I was doing now...?
I don't know what to say to him and thinking about my life has plunged me into the abyss. Violent relationship, ran away, failed pregnancies, disowned siblings, major surgery, barren, chronic depression, weight and eating issues, now a childless Crazy Cat Lady...story of a failed life.
hmm - perhaps I'll just tell him I have amnesia... :-S
cq

4 comments:

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Regret is a strong word

Bilbo said...

Just tell him you are living happily in the fourteenth century...no need to go into all that other stuff. Except maybe the Crazy Cat Lady part...

Bob-kat said...

Tell him how successful you have been carving out a new role for yourself at work as a H&S officer and a first aid trainer. Tell him about your long and successful relationship with your MB. Tell him about all the lovely kitties you have in your life, past and present. There's good stuff there Hon. I just gets hidden amongst the crap sometimes *hug*

Walker said...

You say, I lived life as it came at me and I am still living it.