Friday, March 30, 2007

Mammograms

Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there is no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam and doing the following exercises, you will be totally prepared for the test and best of all, you can do these simple exercises right in and around your home.
EXERCISE ONE:
Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast in door. Shut the door as hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position for five seconds. Repeat again in case the first time wasn't effective enough.
EXERCISE TWO:
Visit your garage at 3AM when the temperature of the cement floor is just perfect. Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and repeat with the other breast.
EXERCISE THREE:
Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Press the bookends against one of your breasts. Smash the bookends together as hard as you can. Set up an appointment with the stranger to meet next year and do it again.

A Friend Is Like A Good Bra...
Hard to Find
Supportive
Comfortable
Always Lifts You Up
Never Lets You Down
or Leaves You Hanging
And Is Always Close To Your Heart!!!
cq

7 comments:

Karen said...

tee, hee!

agree with all three of your exercises and love your good bra theory.

Michele sent me to wish you a great day! :+)

Fizzy said...

Very good advice ;)

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

LOL, LOL...This is one of my most favorite things in the whole world....It is soooo true and hilarious ALL at the same time!
So happy to read this again, CQ...I had forgotten how truly brilliant it is!
HUGS, my dear!

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Excellent exercises; the ought to be published.

Michele sent me here.

David said...

I so appreciate being in the crazy court! God bless you, the crown, and Tony Blair.

Minerva said...

I SO identify with this!!

YellowRose said...

Yep, that's exactly what a mammagram feels like!! LOL Cute post!

Hugs!