Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Curl Up and Cry

Some weeks you just want to curl up and die......

This has been my first full week on my new eating kick and I yearn for some serious chocolate. I have got some chocolate 'drizzle' on my cereal bars - but oh how I long to drown myself in a big old bar of Dairy Milk or indulge in some salty snacks. I am struggling to eat three times a day and only at those times to stop myself snacking out - one of my vices. But I must cleanse my diet and purge the junk.
Managing food so strictly is resulting in a severe depression, which is making me crave junk food all the more. But I must be strong.
I am keeping my diary daily and a woman friend at work is supporting me and has agreed to check my food diary a couple of times a week. Included in my diary is 'Crimes and Misdemeanours' (slipping into bad habits) and 'Good stuff' (walking, cycling etc).
No C&M as yet - lots of walking recorded this week.

MB is going in for an angiogram tomorrow to find out the cause of long term chest pain making this week definitely a test of stress levels.....While I know it's a good thing he is having the test and will ensure he is properly cared for - it's a Big Deal. We both know people who have survived heart problems, but then we have both known people who haven't.
Sometimes when I think of the bad stuff, I just want to curl up and cry. We've been together 24 years now and I am terrified to consider life without him. He is scared and worried and home life is tense. So I am being strong, trying to think positive and desperate not to let the ghosts get to us.

Update - the angiogram was all clear, so no problems with MB's heart or arteries. But he does still have high cholesterol and some circulation problems but nothing too serious. Just the chest pain to sort out now - but the optimism levels have lifted in our house......

cq

9 comments:

Melli said...

You keep ON bein' strong girl! You're the QUEEN! You can DO this! They SAY when you have a really bad chocolate craving to eat a pickle! They SAY that takes away the craving. It can't hurt to try it. Pickles are relatively safe... Honestly? I can see a pickle curing a LOT of cravings! Not MUCH tastes good with a pickle!

Melli said...

Another thing... I DO do this... but if you're no good on your "honor" then have MB be the keeper of them! At the end of the day, if I have been verrrrry good, I allow myself 2 hershey dark chocolate kisses. (only 20 calories each) But I can have a bowl of them up in the cupboard and not TOUCH them for weeks on end. But if I feel the NEED for chocolate - and occasionally I dooooo... then that is what I allow myself - and I let them melt in my mouth and savor them for as long as I can make them last!

rosneath said...

thank heavens for the clear angiogram - maybe you both working on cholestrol will help you and your cravings?!

Nikki-ann said...

I'm glad to hear the angiogram went well.

Good luck with that diet... Even I have trouble staying off chocolate and I really should eat the stuff as I'm lactose intolerant!

Teena in Toronto said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Teena in Toronto said...

I can live without chocolate ... to give up pizza would kill me :)

I wonder if NetChick likes chocolate?

Carmi said...

I'm so glad the result was a good one. We've been there, and your words of worry resonated very strongly in my soul. Know you're not alone in this, and know we're all praying for you both.

Tomorrow morning, I'll set off on my bike, headed to work on the other side of the city. I'll do an extra kilometre in honour of you both.

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

Glad to read your Update abd find out that MB's Heart is in good shape! I know you both must be releaved. I sure do understand that feeling of wanting to curl up and cry or die!

Much ggod luck on your new food regiman. It sounds rather hard, but I bet the rewards will be worth it, my dear.

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