This has been my first full week on my new eating kick and I yearn for some serious chocolate. I have got some chocolate 'drizzle' on my cereal bars - but oh how I long to drown myself in a big old bar of Dairy Milk or indulge in some salty snacks. I am struggling to eat three times a day and only at those times to stop myself snacking out - one of my vices. But I must cleanse my diet and purge the junk.
Managing food so strictly is resulting in a severe depression, which is making me crave junk food all the more. But I must be strong.
I am keeping my diary daily and a woman friend at work is supporting me and has agreed to check my food diary a couple of times a week. Included in my diary is 'Crimes and Misdemeanours' (slipping into bad habits) and 'Good stuff' (walking, cycling etc).
No C&M as yet - lots of walking recorded this week.
MB is going in for an angiogram tomorrow to find out the cause of long term chest pain making this week definitely a test of stress levels.....While I know it's a good thing he is having the test and will ensure he is properly cared for - it's a Big Deal. We both know people who have survived heart problems, but then we have both known people who haven't.
Sometimes when I think of the bad stuff, I just want to curl up and cry. We've been together 24 years now and I am terrified to consider life without him. He is scared and worried and home life is tense. So I am being strong, trying to think positive and desperate not to let the ghosts get to us.
Update - the angiogram was all clear, so no problems with MB's heart or arteries. But he does still have high cholesterol and some circulation problems but nothing too serious. Just the chest pain to sort out now - but the optimism levels have lifted in our house......