Friday, October 26, 2007

HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the Middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger!!!!!!. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Champagne in one hand - strawberries in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, What a Ride".

cq
Thank you all for your good wishes. My dad made it through surgery safely and is now recovering in intensive care. The biopsy results will take about a week.

14 comments:

Tawcan said...

Hi Michele sent me here.

I don't know if I agree with the exercise concept... I did have a good laugh about chocolate and swimming though. ;)

Geggie said...

I love this! Great answers you have.

Michele sent me over to say hi!

Shephard said...

Oh, I love this too! lol
Made me laugh several times.

Michele says hi!
~S

Linda said...

You've just posted my life motto - I am going to live by those words!

Thanks for posting them - Michele sent me to see how you got inside my head today!

texasblu said...

hi, michele sent me. Very funny!

My dad's battling cancer - not fun when parents are on the line, is it?

Melli said...

AMEN SISTAAAAAAA! ROFL! Looks like I've been doin' it WRONG allllllll this time! Hmph! Well... now I know better!

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

So glad to hear your Dad got through that surgery A-OK....Prayers are yill coming your way or the Biopsey Outcome...!

I Sooo Agree with ALL those answers....So I am sitting here on my Butt, eatingh chocolate, drinking wine, and scarfing down some meat, too! (not)
GREAT stuff, CQ...Og How I Wish It Were TRUE!!!

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

.....Prayers STLL coming your way ON the BIOPSEY Outcome....

I must stop trying to type so fast....

Nikki-ann said...

Nice one! :D

Best wishes to your Dad. My Dad had a cancerous tumour in his bowel a few years ago and it was a worrying time, but he came out of it OK and made a full recovery (minus a part of his bowel, but that was a small price really).

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Wise words of advice. Good to hear about your father.

aka_Monty said...

I'm totally in tune with your health answers. :)


I'm so happy about your dad coming through the surgery okay!
xoxo

Bilbo said...

Michelle didn't need to send me - I came on my own. Good news about your father...I hope all continues to go well for him, and for you. Agnes and I heartily endorse your health tips, and practice them regularly. Of course, we fall off the wagon a bit with our dancing, but our hearts are in the right place...

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

Just checking in to see how your Dad is doing, my dear...I hope he is still recovering nicely...!

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