Today I have hit rock bottom.
Not only are we talking about work equipment I know nothing about (lathes, drills etc) but Ugly Monster (depression) is well and truly in residence.
The really odd thing is I *get* the theory of plant machinery and recognising the risks and hazards, and how to apply assessment.
But with Ugly Monster here, I am finding it hard to even concentrate, let alone see the simplest applications.
Had a quick chat with Ian (tutor) and a few girly tears this lunchtime.
If you have ever suffered from chronic or extended depression or are bipolar, then the situation will be oh so familiar.
Considerate colleagues etc trying to explain and make it easier, and the reluctance to come clean and admit you have what is essentially a psychological disorder preventing you from understanding the simplest things.
In Great Britain, there is allowance in the Disability Act for 'invisible' disabilities; depression falls into that category (along with dyslexia etc). But the hardest thing in the world is to admit you have it/them.
I sit, staring at my hands, fiddling with a pen, usually with tears running down my face and trying to get out those magical words 'I'm ok, it's just I suffer from depression and sometimes it gets in the way of.....'
Ah well, maybe it'll improve through the week. Just a case at the moment of keeping my head down and ploughing through the classwork.
Ian, if you're reading this - and I know you're reading my blog! - your consideration is so much appreciated and I'm still 'with the programme'! :-)