Friday, April 21, 2006

Frolicking Friday

How To Give A Cat A Pill

1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3) Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.

4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right fore-finger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees. Hold front and rear paws firmly. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail. Get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered Doulton figures from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to stretch out flat on top of cat with head just visible from below arm-pit. Put pill in end of drinking straw. Force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9) Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans. Drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of your last tetanus shot. Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12) Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.

13) Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed, force cat's mouth open with small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Hold head vertically and pour pint of water down throat to wash pill down.

14) Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room. Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Stop by the furniture store on way home to order new table.

15) Arrange for RSPCA to find a new home for cat and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.....

Classic :-)

- and when I showed this to my mother, she nearly had a coronary laughing.....and fell off her chair!



Tara said...

Hahahahahahahahahaha, omg, thats HILARIOUS!

Norma said...

I've seen this many times, and never fail to think of our beautiful part Siamese whom we could not medicate because she was such a fighter and finally had to have her euthanized. She got weaker and weaker, down to 4 lbs, and the two of us still could not control her.

WendyWings said...

Never a truer word spoken, sorry I didn't do TT this week I was away having my hair tortured. :)

Lisa said...

ack!! I've had to give my cat pills several times, and that's truly how it goes!!!!! Michele sent me

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

I almost sent this to you in an email, but thought you might think it was too mean! HA! It is! But, it is very very funny too! (Don't let Pandora and Charlie read this...LOL)

Here from Michele tonight, dear CQ!

utenzi said...

Michele sent me, CQ.

An oldie but a goodie, huh? I'd not seen the British version of this joke before. There's a few terms that are different than the joke I've seen in the past.

I do heartily endorse this view of cats. They're really quite nasty beasts. ;-)

CyberKitten said...

COOL cat picture.....

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

That's a wonderful picture, CQ...

Michele sent me here this early A.M. here in L.A. I was here before, too, but then you know that!

Fizzy said...

LOL very funny. I remember the scenrio well from when my cat was alive.... ooooo the scratches!

Carmi said...

This brings back such memories for me. I miss our cat. But remembering the injuries we incurred while we had him is enough to convince me that one cat in our lifetime is enough.

Dara said...

Sooo true! I still have a scar from a scratch on my right hand from dear departed Jake.

Michele sent me.

Anonymous said...

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