Wednesday, March 21, 2012

A Kick Up The Ego

The ego is a fragile beast.
Mine has had a small kick up the butt lately.

It's all very complicated but basically, as our jobs are under threat, my boss and I applied for Voluntary Early Redundancy to increase our options over the next couple of years and give us a fallback plan.
I was bullish and resilient during the application phase, but that all changed yesterday when the Personnel people wrote to us to say our applications were successful.

I didn't sleep much last night as the success of my application appeared to give me the sensation of 'not being wanted' after 26 years in the department, being rejected after giving them the best years of my life.

To add to the frustration I noticed they had scored me very highly for 'Timing' and it would appear that Personnel changed my preferred date from 2014 to 2012 to fit in with their plans for higher natural wastage this year.
And then we realised that with our dates being pulled forward we would have to decide much quicker than we were anticipating - instead of having two years to decide, we had one month.
Needless to say we agreed to decline the offer of redundancy with the limited compensation offered. As ever, my boss and I were as one in that decision - we were not going to be bullied into taking 'VERY' early redundancy.

Complex plans - unexpected outcomes....thanks to our lovely government.


Sunday, March 18, 2012


As the Crazie One is struggling with the new Blogger changes, she won't be posting for a while until the program sorts itself out.


Friday, March 02, 2012

March Madness

Those friends who know me, know I hate March.
While I yearn to embrace the first flush of Spring and wave farewell to the long nights and endless grey, my fragile mental state peaks at this time of year due to the dreaded Mother's Day.Every year this is lauded as a celebration of motherhood and great emphasis is placed upon it, with shops overloaded with flowers, gifts and gushy cards.

For those of us who cannot have children, this is merely a reminder of our failing to be able to carry out the most basic biological activity - to procreate. A reminder that others know the love and dependency of a child on the parent, and we will never truly know what that feels like. We can simulate this love with friends' children, but that innate love is never felt.

For years I looked after other people's children and I have now moved on to looking after babies before they are born, as I have become a bit of a Subject Matter Expert in pregnancy in the workplace. Women seek me out for help and advice during their pregnancy and Line Managers call on me for advice on the requirements for their pregnant staff. I enjoy helping these women and they are always grateful. I have pictures of babies I have helped protect and get thanks from new mothers and their management.But it still doesn't heal the hole in my heart, the cold shadow in my life.

Just to drive home how useless my body is, we recently had information on the first British female to male transgender to successfully bear a child.

So we irrationally now think MEN can have babies, but some women can't even do this simple thing..

Roll on April...