Regrets...Quite a few....

You never know what a can of worms a simple act will open...

When I was 17 I got a job working in a house with four beautiful children. The youngest, Katie (1), had clicky hips and was in hospital when I arrived (part of my duties was to visit with her regularly) and Ben (3), Emma (5) and Becca (7) filled my days until the littlest one came home with a custom made wheelchair. Then my life was centred on her and her siblings, through whooping cough, chicken pox, growing pains, broken bones and school uniforms.

The children helped me grow and taught me patience and unconditional love. I learnt to care for their pets (cats, dogs, goats, pony) and even scythed grass and painted buildings - a varied and enjoyable time in my life.

I have cherished sweet memories of these four children and of the wonderful four years I spent sharing their lives and their home, a run down farmhouse in the middle of nowhere - full of music and noise.

A few months ago, I happened across Ben's email address on the web and popped him a short email to say hi, how you doing. Well, it has only been 26 years....!

It was miraculous, he remembered me and those happy days and replied to me with a photo of his own children - who are the spit of their dad at that age! He caught me up with his sisters and their families, and even my little Katie is expecting her first baby in May.

But then he asked me what did I go on to do and what I was doing now...?

I don't know what to say to him and thinking about my life has plunged me into the abyss. Violent relationship, ran away, failed pregnancies, disowned siblings, major surgery, barren, chronic depression, weight and eating issues, now a childless Crazy Cat Lady...story of a failed life.

hmm - perhaps I'll just tell him I have amnesia... :-S

cq

The Mighty Trebuchet - BBC One Show

The Company of Chivalry were recently featured on a BBC One Show segment showing off the trebuchet at Caerphilly Castle, one of our regular displays.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_UK1Q0FS4M4

I see this show piece happen hourly through the day (usually standing guard to prevent the public entering the high risk area) over several weekends in the summer - but I never tire of seeing the majestic swing of the arm loosing the missile.

Good job, boys!!

cq aka Quene

Bye Bye

It's a big day in this medieval re-enactor's life - tonight I am handing my borrowed tent back to the company with a fond farewell.

The 'Old White Tent' was with me on my first day in the Company as a self-conscious newbie in borrowed kit in 2006 and my friend and I have been using it every year since. We were three old girls in the tent in the early days, then we went to just a couple of women. It had wonderful rafters where we could store fragile stuff and this is one of my favourite photos...

It was already very old when we got it, and had been through several hands and many, many years of camping out in all weathers.

I repaired the mouse holes, I darned the door loops, I fixed the poles and cleaned it. But as time wore on the old tent wore out - leaks springing everywhere and the both of us falling asleep to the sound of dripping water and waking to wet beds and kit. No amount of waterproofer could combat such venerated age.

It was too big for the two of us - but we were the only ones who ever used it, probably because everyone knew it leaked like a sieve! It was horrendously heavy, lugging it in and out of the car and around the old castles was a challenge every weekend.

But we loved that old tent. It was a medieval home from home for over four years and we are very grateful to every leaky seam, and snapped rope.

Thank you, 'Old White Tent' :-)

cq

Happy New Year!

Wishes all her friends near and far a Happy New Year....

"It Depends on Us...

Another year lies before us like an unwritten page, an unspent coin, an unwalked road. How the pages will read, what treasures will be gained in exchange for time, or what we find alone the way, will largely depend on us."

Esther Baldwin York

cq

As the sun sets on 2010...

This is my end of the year shout out to the many "friends" I have never been in the same room with but who have inspired, amused, comforted, encouraged, supported and touched me in so many ways both here on Blogger and on Facebook.

I love you people...!

Here's to another year together!

cq

Merry Christmas...!

and to all, a good night!

Happy Christmas from all of us at the Purple Palace... :-)

cq

How to Wrap Presents - Advice for Cat Owners

Inspired by my friend, Bilbo, I dug out this old masterpiece that always has me laughing.....and it will give you insight on life with my boycat William.....

1. Clear a large space on a table or worktop for wrapping your present.

2. Go to cupboard and collect bag in which present is contained, and shut door.

3. Open door and remove cat from cupboard.

4. Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.

5. Go back and remove cat from cupboard.

6. Go to drawer, and collect sellotape, ribbon, scissors, labels, etc..

7. Lay out present and wrapping materials on table, to enable wrapping strategy to be performed in a logical manner.

8. Go back to drawer to get string, remove cat that has been in the drawer since last visit and place string on table.

9. Remove boxed present from paper bag.

10. Remove cat from paper bag.

11. Open box to check present is in it, remove cat from box, replace present in box.

12. Lay out paper to enable cutting to size.

13. Try and smooth out paper, discover cat is underneath and remove cat.

14. Cut paper to size, keeping the cutting line as straight as possible.

15. Discard first sheet of paper due to cat chasing scissors and tearing paper.

16. Cut second sheet of paper to size and restrain cat by putting it in bag present came in.

17. Place present on paper.

18. Lift up edges of paper to seal in present. Wonder why edges don't reach. Discover cat is between present and paper. Remove cat.

19. Place heavy object on paper to hold in place while tearing sellotape to length.

20. Spend fifteen minutes carefully trying to remove sellotape from cat.

21. Seal paper with sellotape, making corners as neat as possible.

22. Look for roll of ribbon. Chase cat down hall in order to retrieve ribbon.

23. Try to wrap present and tie ribbon in a pretty bow.

24. Re-tie ribbon and remove paper, which is now ripped due to cat's enthusiastic ribbon chase.

25. Repeat steps 13 - 20 until you are down to your last sheet of paper.

26. Decide to skip steps 13 - 17 in order to save time and reduce risk of losing last sheet of paper. Retrieve old cardboard box that is the right size for sheet of paper.

27. Put present in box, and secure with string.

28. Remove string, open box and remove cat.

29. Put all packing materials in bag with present and head for bathroom.

30. Once inside bathroom, lock door and start to lay out paper and materials.

31. Remove cat from box, unlock door, put cat outside door, close and re-lock.

32. Repeat previous step as often as is necessary until you can clearly hear cat on other side of locked door.

33. Lay out last sheet of paper. (This will be difficult if you have a small bathroom, but do your best).

34. Discover cat has already torn paper. Unlock door, go out and hunt through various cupboards, looking for sheet of last year's paper. Then remember you haven't got any because cat helped wrap present last year as well.

35. Return to bathroom, lock door, sit on lavatory and try to make torn sheet of paper look presentable.

36. Seal box, wrap with paper and repair by very carefully sealing with sellotape. Attach pretty ribbon and decorate with additional bows to hide worst areas.

37. Label present. Sit back and admire your handiwork, congratulating yourself on completing a difficult job.

38. Unlock door, and go to kitchen to make stiff drink and feed cat.

39. Spend twenty minutes looking for cat until coming to obvious conclusion.

40. Unwrap present, untie box and remove cat.

41. Have several more stiff drinks. Then pick up present and stagger back to shop and get nice assistant to gift-wrap present for you.

cq

Giving Thanks

Happy Thanksgiving to all my American Friends...!

And I am giving thanks today, for all my friends around the world and the love and support they give when I am in need. My friends make me smile and they make me laugh. When I am weeping, they are holding my hand, wherever they are.

cq

Moving on - but not forgetting

Tonight is our Company of Chivalry medieval banquet. It's an opportunity for the group to get together in kit, without the public element, and sit down to a medieval style banquet, followed by much carousing :-)

It's the celebration of the end of the year and a time to honour achievements, bestow promotions within the Household (Company) and to meet up with friends we only normally see at events in the summer.

I have had such a rotten time lately, what with my boss being off sick and my resultant horrendous workload, then my father falling ill and then his sudden passing. I need to see these people and the desire to leave the 21C and all its sadness and 'medieval up' is very strong.

The Company itself is also still reeling from recent bad news so we need an evening together to shake off the bad stuff and reconnect with the group ethos that carries us through the season each year.

So, I'm packing my frock and cloak, a bag full of pastries and a VERY large bottle of cider......and I'm off to Woolavington for a long alcoholic night :-)

cq

17 November 2010

These are corn poppies, the national flower of Poland.

Today is my father's funeral. Born in 1940 in Lvov, Poland, he passed in 2010 in Salisbury, England.
It's been a long wait as the local crematoria have been very busy and my mother had to find one that was comfortable with a Quaker funeral.

Quaker funerals are not about mourning the loss they are about celebrating God in the life of the one that has gone and their loved ones, and joining together in community to gather strength and share love.
You don't wear black to Quaker funerals - I will be wearing a warm reddish purple skirt and sweater; my dad said that colour suited me. With my boots - he would have loved the faux studs!
There will be no hymns or prayers, unless my mother has chosen a favourite reading. Quakers are all about waiting - waiting to be moved by the spirit of the Lord. If you are, you speak. If you aren't, you wait...
And the coffin is cardboard - Quakers are very much in touch with nature and the world around us.
And no wake - some Friends hold meetings for worship after a funeral to feel the Lord, but it is not unknown to have a get together with a cup of tea and a chat.

Today will be our final farewell to the man who came into our lives and made us look at life differently. In many ways he made our lives better and more comfortable, in some he made our lives more complicated and difficult.
But I loved him.

cq

For The Fallen

With proud thanksgiving, a mother for her children,

England mourns for her dead across the sea.

Flesh of her flesh they were, spirit of her spirit,

Fallen in the cause of the free.

Solemn the drums thrill; Death august and royal

Sings sorrow up into immortal spheres,

There is music in the midst of desolation

And a glory that shines upon our tears.

They went with songs to the battle, they were young,

Straight of limb, true of eye, steady and aglow.

They were staunch to the end against odds uncounted;

They fell with their faces to the foe.

They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old:

Age shall not weary them, nor the years contemn.

At the going down of the sun and in the morning

We will remember them.

They mingle not with their laughing comrades again;

They sit no more at familiar tables of home;

They have no lot in our labour of the day-time;

They sleep beyond England's foam.

But where our desires are and our hopes profound,

Felt as a well-spring that is hidden from sight,

To the innermost heart of their own land they are known

As the stars are known to the Night;

As the stars that shall be bright when we are dust,

Moving in marches upon the heavenly plain;

As the stars that are starry in the time of our darkness,

To the end, to the end, they remain.

Laurence Binyon 1914

Birthday Films

To celebrate my birthday with my friends, I went to see RED with the lads and Burke and Hare with my BobKat :-)

Neither film has been universally praised, but I am one person who makes up my own mind about what I like and what I don't like.

RED (Retired; Extremely Dangerous) was a glorious romp through every secret agent movie you can think of. Steered by the magnificent Bruce Willis, who was supported strongly by John Malkovich, Morgan Freeman and Helen Mirren with Brian Cox adding his weight to the cast, this film about four retired secret agents who relive their heyday when one of their number is threatened by the CIA. With a surprise appearance by Ernest Borgnine, this film proved to be a delight. Lots of ludicrously over the top gunfire, car chases, fights and so on - this film played on every cliche they could think of. The result was a cleverly written and excellently acted and directed action movie.

Burke and Hare was a revisit to the notorious gentlemen in Edinburgh in the 1820s who discovered there was money to be made providing cadavers to the medical community. The film opens with the statement 'This film is based on a true story - except for the bits we made up!' - which sums it up concisely and honestly.
Simon Pegg and Andy Serkis revelled in the juicy title roles and were ably supported by Tom Wilkinson, Tim Curry and the ever-so luscious Hugh Bonneville. Even old comedian Ronnie Corbett made an appearance as a mad Militia Captain. This grim story was given a facelift and the black humour was picked out of the bones. It was so funny, we found ourselves giggling inanely to roaring with laughter - from the failed murder attempts to the fainting militia soldier and right on to the little things like always stepping over the prone wolfhound in the pub and the perceived naivety of William Burke. The ultimate irony of this was that the film showed Burke confessing to protect his girl, but in reality Hare was offered immunity from prosecution if he confessed and agreed to testify against Burke. Hare's testimony led to Burke's death sentence and Burke was hanged and his cadaver was given to the Edinburgh Medical College for dissection, and his skeleton still stands in their museum. Admittedly, the writers did play fast and loose with a very dark subject, changing elements to lighten the effect and, as a result, have produced an eminently watchable, if mostly fictional, story of two of Scotland's most notorious serial killers.

Both films have made my DVD wishlist - I could watch them again and again....
cq

Birthday Girl

Sitting here at home opening gifts from friends and family with a cat on my lap.......looking forward to dinner out with the Much Beloved tonight....nights out yesterday and tomorrow with friends.....

Such is my birthday [deep relaxing sigh]

cq

Ghosts

I have a ghost in my life.
My best friend some twenty years ago took his own life. For many years I blamed myself for not being there to help him in his hour of need, but after a long, long time, I came to peace with the situation.
I was haunted by the memory of this friend for many years, but slowly learned to cherish our friendship and be grateful for the time we had.

Just as I was finding equilibrium after my father's recent death, I heard yesterday that a friend of mine had taken that route again. This one is not a very close friend, but we have known each other for a couple of years and have spent a lot of time together.
He was troubled, I know, and life was not easy......but his sudden death has shocked and stunned our little circle of friends.

It's a new month on Monday - here's hoping that life takes an upturn as all this October sad news is starting to get to me.....

cq

Footprints in the Sand

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed
that during the low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from
anguish, sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints.

So I said to the Lord,
"You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during
the most trying periods of my life
there have only been one
set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most,
you have not been there for me?"

The Lord replied,
"The times when you have
seen only one set of footprints,
is when I carried you."

(c) Mary Stevenson 1936

Grief

Grief is a most personal thing.
Every person grieves differently; they view the loss of a loved one in respect of what they themselves have lost.

While I have been upset by family deaths in the past, I have never really grieved as they are usually too distant to impact my own existence and I am able to move on.

Now I am mired in grief for my step-father. Whilst not my biological father, he was an important part of my life for nearly forty years, and back in the day he and I used to sit and talk about all sorts of things important in my little life - work and relationships. And we loved each other, me loving the father figure and him loving the child who turned to him for support.

Now he is gone I grieve deeply for the lifelong friend I have lost.

Rather than remembering the sick old man in the hospital bed, I am trying to remember him as the man who always greeted me with smiles and a bearhug, who allowed me teach him to swim, who persuaded my mother that I should be permitted to leave school and go to work, who bought me my first ever adult posh dress, who worked it so I could stay to the end of the school disco when my mum wanted me home early and who encouraged me to practice my driving in his very expensive car. So many little things he did for me over the years which have helped shape my life.

I want to be able to say a fond farewell to my friend at his funeral and then move on with my life, carrying his memory in my heart.

cq

Life and Death....

..and the small step between.

I am waiting. Waiting for a phone call. We know the phone is going to ring and someone is going to say a certain sentence, but we don't know when. So I am waiting.

My dad is dying. His body is riddled with the bastard entity that is known as cancer. It is an entity, growing and eating away at his organs until he can no longer fight it.

I spoke to his staff nurse and checked the four main things;
Is he in pain?
Is he comfortable?
Does he know we're there?
How will 'it' happen?
I don't need to know anything else, they are the most important things.

No, he does not appear to be in pain, but he is on a lot of morphine.
Yes, he is turned regularly, he can acknowledge comfort but he doesn't like the nasal oxygen.
When I was there he opened his eyes, recognised me and smiled. At one point he feebly reached for my hand.....his 'little girl'.
His breathing will just slow.....

This is not my natural father, but he is my stepfather. He met my mother and married her when I was about 9. With my biological father pretty much out of the picture and passing on when I was 17, this man became my dad in all but name. I never called him dad, we agreed it would not be appropriate, but in all senses of the word he was mine. We talked a lot, as I was taking my first faltering steps in adulthood, relationships and work he was the one I confided in.

We visited him yesterday. We live at least a couple of hours away from the hospital, so even if we do get some warning we won't be there in time. And he's slowly slipping away. So I took the chance to visit with him for a bit while he could still acknowledge me, holding his hand, talking to him, comforting him and saying my farewells to my dad....

And now we're waiting, waiting for him to finally admit defeat in his battle.

Update; my dad took that small step and surrendered at 4pm today. He was a good man, despite all his faults.

cq

WICOE

WICOE (Women In Charge Of Everything)

Is proud to announce the opening of its

EVENING CLASSES FOR MEN!

OPEN TO MEN ONLY

ALL ARE WELCOME

Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants

The course covers two days, and topics covered in this course include:

DAY ONE

HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS

Step by step guide with slide presentation

TOILET ROLLS- DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?

Roundtable discussion

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR

Practising with hamper (Pictures and graphics)

DISHES & SILVERWARE; DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES?

Debate among a panel of experts.

REMOTE CONTROL

Losing the remote control - Help line and support groups

LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS

Starting with looking in the right place

Instead of turning the house upside down while screaming - Open forum

DAY TWO

EMPTY MILK CARTONS; DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN?

Group discussion and role play

HEALTH WATCH; BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH

PowerPoint presentation

REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST

Real life testimonial from the one man who did

IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?

Driving simulation

LIVING WITH ADULTS; BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN

YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR PARTNER

Online class and role playing

HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION

Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques

REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES

& CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE

Bring your calendar or PDA to class

GETTING OVER IT; LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME

Individual counsellors available

Send this on to all your girlfriends who may need a laugh and to guys who you think can handle the truth!

cq :-)

11 September 2001

For those lost and those left behind

Remembering....

With the final event over for the season, I spend a lot of time cruising the photos from the group, reliving the weekend......

Welcome to my Caerphilly August 2010 memory album (courtesy of Elisabeth and Sarah)

The main event of the weekend was the knighting of Richard Burley (aka John), seen here on his vigil in the castle tower the night before the ceremony (all nice and authentic!)

You can't be a re-enactor and not appreciate a nice fire, or the residual smell of woodsmoke :-)

There is the traditional drinks around the fire, with warm clothing and good friends......

...or fighting over stuffed toys......[chuckle]

This is me on the coin die (where we hammer coins) with my new young apprentice K (age 5, first event), waiting for the public to come back from the siege engine display (below)

The camp is so romantic when it's empty....I love seeing this kind of picture, so evocative.....

I had a bit of extra money this month, so have invested in a new wheeled holdall for next season - purple zebra stripe....so cool!!

It's gonna be a long winter........

cq