Bavaria - Part Seven

My friends had gone back to the UK, I was alone in a foreign hospital, confined to bed. What else could go wrong?

Shortly after breakfast on Thursday a new face appeared around our door and H made an appearance! H was the military medical co-ord for the region. And even better, H spoke fluent German! He checked with the doctors, confirmed the time of my MRI and talked to the nurses for me. He even did a bit of translating with the three elderly German ladies I shared a room with.

The guys had texted and phoned me from the airport, and again on landing in the UK. I cuddled my bear, Keela, and stared out of the window with my phone in one hand.

(the view from my hospital window at dawn)

Even knowing H was there didn't totally cure my loneliness. I missed D and Male Colleague S. I wanted a hug from Female Colleague S and B. I wanted to laugh with P and P. I wanted to be with them all - and I wanted to see my Flash Boys one more time (they were from another location, so I will probably never see those lovely lads again!). Most of all, I wanted to be home with my darling MB and my cats and Crazies.

Texts started arriving from work in the UK now they knew the situation. I called my manager and we had a nice chat. The Boss heard I was on the phone and spoke to me, he called me a 'silly woman' - in normal life I guess that would be frowned upon, but me and my Boss understand each other :-)

The MRI was an experience I would rather not recount. It was a three hour event, limited English, lots of tears, lots of pain. It was at another hospital and they decided to quibble over money while I was lying in the waiting room in immense pain. Be warned - Kempten Hospital do NOT take Mastercard - or claim treatment from insurance! It was only a call from my doctor at Immenstadt that made them do the procedure. I hate MRI's. They are not nice for claustrophobics, and I had no MB to hold my hand as he has done in the past. After a failed attempt, I managed to stay in there for the required 10 minutes, and came out in floods of tears and pouring with sweat, hyperventilating. How did I stay in there for 10 minutes? Thinking of D holding my hand - and imagining chasing Male Colleague S around the office brandishing my hospital bed monkey bar! Well, you have to think of something!!

But it was worth it; no broken bones, just sprains/strains/bruising. Which, one of the English-speaking nurses informed me, meant I could go home.

Next morning, the doctor said I could go. I hobbled into the shower, put on clean clothes, packed my few things and was out of there within the hour!!! H took me to his office where I camped out for the day. Although the hospital had provided the thrombosis injections I needed by law, they hadn't given me any pain medicine. So one of the senior chaps in the office phoned around to find suitable pain relief (even called his wife!) and their local doctor prescribed over the phone for me.

The hospital had also not given me the vital piece of paper I needed to get out of the country........

My fit to fly certificate.

cq

Bavaria - Part Six

This counts towards my Monday Memories!
So, I was in pain and in hospital. They admitted me at 11.30pm. D went back to the lodge to get some sleep.

Life in a German hospital for a non-German speaker is difficult to say the least. Early next morning D returned. I was puzzled to see no ski-wear and he told me he was not skiing because he was staying with me. I don't remember a lot about that day. I was incredibly tired after a fitful and painful night and I spent most of the day in tears. D sat there, hour after hour, holding my hand, comforting me, indulging in small talk, and translating for me. I had to be out that night, as everyone was flying home the next day. But I was told my MRI would be the next day and I wouldn't be going home with my friends and colleagues.

The thought of staying in a strange country, in hospital, with a language I don't speak a word of, terrified me. I begged the registrar to change my MRI and although he tried, it remained booked for Thursday. And so the tears started. D made a tactical retreat - although I found out he only went to sort out admin and insurance stuff for me! And packed all my kit. He even made a point of bringing my teddy bear

and book!

Such a sweet man. Mid afternoon he came back, took my hand again and comforted me. I have no idea how long he spent at my bedside, but I don't know what I would've done without him. And all day I was getting texts from friends on the slopes.

That evening Female Colleague S and Male Colleague S turned up with - this!

Miles from anywhere and discovering I was still in hospital, my friends had made me a get well card. With a helicopter (for our work!) and mountains and everyone had signed it! I cried again (yep, predictable, aren't I??). MC S made me laugh (which still hurt) and I still owe him a bashing :-)

The next morning there was a flurry of texts and phonecalls as my friends left the country and I stayed in hospital.

Update from GP: Signed off for another week initially and a new prescription for pain pills. Gynae referral for the cysts.

cq

Bavaria - Part Five

The one you've all been waiting for........yeah, yeah, I know 'people only go to the races for the crashes'!

It had been a good five days.
Although I disliked skiing, I was overwhelmed by the place.
I didn't hide in the lodge, but went out everyday with my more intrepid colleagues and cheered them on from the sidelines.
I did my stint on pan-bashing (remember - Army!?!).
I overcame my fear of heights and rode daily in the gondola to the top of the mountain.
I walked the slopes and mountains with my colleagues.
I had strolled through Riezlern, admiring their beautiful architecture.
I had carried friends' skis, poles, donated gloves, purchased warming drinks, clapped and cheered their successes and encouraged their weaknesses.
I understood the theory of skiing enough to help my friends (old and new) to improve their techniques.
I even stood in their path at the base of slopes to encourage them to be more effective at stopping (that worked with all except Male Colleague B - who I had to leap out of the way of!)

The only negative thing about the whole week was my very low opinion of myself for being such a total wimp, not keeping on with the skiing myself. But I think everyone felt I was a bit of a let-down, so I know I wasn't alone.

Tuesday saw our group dinner and we all set out at 7pm. Male Colleague B and I had to change into our 'stout' boots for the walk, so we were about ten minutes behind the main group.

One patch of black ice and I was down on my back screaming in pain. B helped me up and I hobbled on to the restaurant with him, extracting a promise not to tell anyone I had fallen - I didn't want to spoil their evening (little did I know!!)
I sat quietly while the jollity went on around me. I managed some smiles and gentle laughs, intent not to make a trouble of myself. But I was in immense pain and only managed to eat my main course (not eating raises eyebrows in that mountain air!) before calling over Organiser D and telling him I was going back to the lodge and why. B insisted on returning with me. Good thing too.....Thank you, B! He walked with me, waiting while I stopped frequently, wincing in pain. I know I jabbered on all the way back, but I have no idea what I said. Before we were home, I was clutching his arm and managing about three steps at a time.

On arrival, Male Colleague S was at the lodge (not having gone to the dinner) and he and the lodge manager assessed my condition. I had a choice, stay at the lodge or call an ambulance. I was in so much pain by then I couldn't even think straight and annoyed the crap out of them by saying 'I don't want to be a trouble'. It was only when I looked at MC S and said 'It hurts, S' that he said 'decision made; call an ambulance!'

The ambulance duly arrived and I was greeted by two absolutely GORGEOUS young medics. Meanwhile, the rest of the group had come home and Organiser D and Female Colleague S had joined us in the cookhouse. I managed to clamber gently down the twisty staircase to the door, leaning heavily on one of the young medics.

After one failed cannula attempt (the tube for a drip)


the second was successful. The more experienced medic explained that my veins had collapsed in shock. The above photo was taken four days later! Cool bruising!

I was hooked up to various drips and needles. The emergency doc arrived and took some details and they whisked me off to hospital - worriedly called a Krankenhaus! - accompanied by D.

So -

Thank you, B, for being such a rock and so reliable.

Thank you, MC S, for keeping my mind occupied with Kenny Everett (more on that later) and making the decision to call the ambulance.

Thank you, D, for being there for me whenever I called your name.

More in Part Six.

cq

Bavaria - Part Four

Cracking on with these now :-)

and a BIG thank you to Mah Sweet Blogsistah, Dawn, for her lovely words. It is grand to be back, honeypie!

OK [mentally ticks off list] skiing, mountain, nursery........ooh - the lodge!
Here are several photos from the lodge we stayed in. Standing on the balcony at the front - look to the left and you see.......mountains.....!

look to the front and you see.........[coughs] mountains! (see the little thing with the heap of snow at the bottom? Trailer of canoes topped with 3ft of snow!)

and to the right.......well, whaddyerknow.....mountains!

OK, on Monday night we all trooped off, cossies in hand, to the local pool. Now, when we Brits say 'the pool', we usually mean a big boring square hole of water, with a couple of diving boards, some bouyancy aids and always (ALWAYS!) a stray verruca plaster or two!

When the Germans say 'the pool', they invariably mean WONNEMAR!!

What a fab place!

For E5 I could spend two hours in the most GORGEOUS pool complex. Others went for spas and massages, being cheap (and preferring the simple life) I just donned me cossie and jumped in the pool.

A BIG double play pool, deep enough to swim and duck dive in, complete with water geysers, fabulous wave machine, nice slide (ie small and non-scary but fun) and bubble jets.

A big pool for 'serious swimmers'.

A VERY BIG slide for the fearless (mostly men I noticed!).

A small jacuzzi, just big enough for 6 or so.

And to my absolute delight, an outside pool with integral jacuzzi! Yep, OUTSIDE pool! I was outside in -10 in the half-dark swimming in an absolutely gorgeous pool, with the sky and stars above me, and steam swirling about me from the warm water....

MOST therapeutic? Sitting on the ledge on the outdoor pool until I got goosebumps and my skin went numb. Then just gently sliding into the water and underneath, allowing the warm water to envelop me totally. LUSH!!

I would go back JUST for Wonnemar.......... :-)

cq

Bavaria - Part Three

(please excuse the pictures, my camera struggled with the extreme cold!)

So, all the more naturally proficient skiers had moved on and there was the less able skiers and the unit Spaz (me) back on the nursery slope.

Time to hit the Mountain with our instructor Big Dave! - Actually The KanzelWand Bahn I mentioned previously. A glorious 'little' mountain of 2000m with some nice pistes (or so I am told!) and a snug little coffee house at the base and a FANTASTIC mountaintop restaurant/rest place.

Here is the lower slope that my friends started on before we hauled ass up the mountain!


See the netting at the bottom? We reckoned that's to stop the skiers flying into the coffee shop! :-)

This is the view from the top restaurant. There is safety Plexiglas, hence the slight reflections! I sat and drowned in this view for two days - how magical is that?? Instructor B advised me to bring a book, but I never got time to read - what with cheering the lads and lasses on, supporting them and admiring the view....who would have time to READ??

And this is the VERY scary ski lift that I watched like a hawk while my friends were experiencing the top run.

You can just see the lift station in the middle of the photo. Once past this - it was downhill all the way to the bottom! So my little group made sure to stop at the station and come back up!

Here's me at the KanzelWand panoramic restaurant - it was MIGHTY cold up there!

In Part Four the MAGICAL Wonnemar and my embarrassing accident - sure to go down in history in the office!

cq

MRI - an interruption in our normal scheduling....

OK, I've had 36 hours to think about this.......time to talk to the ether. Time to get this off my chest [wipes away a tear]

I have spoken to my mum and MB today, and although some of my Crazies know what I am about to say, they probably don't realise the implications.

When I was MRI'd to check the damage to my back and pelvis after the fall, it was just soft tissue and muscle damage.

However, they also discovered I have ovarian cysts. Not normally a reason for major concern as cysts usually disappear in time, but with my medical history and age they can also signal the beginnings of ovarian cancer.

So I'm scared.

I've been here before.

10 years ago exactly.

When they discovered I had chronic fibroids and gave me a partial hysterectomy in 1996. It was a case of surgery or get really ill. They did path tests on me then for cancer.

I don't want to go through all that again.

I'm going to see my GP with the films on Monday.

I'm scared.

cq

I have disabled comments on this post. This is just my way of dealing with this.
My Crazies have been in touch personally.

Bavaria - Part Two

OK, guys and gals; the painkillers are working atm and I have just given myself my injection (first time ever!) so here we go!

To recap.......

We arrived after a long drive from Munich and settled in to the lodge. Being the army it was comfortable but basic. Shared facilities, cookhouse and bar! Me and Woman Colleague S were indeed sharing a room, so our early friendship helped! We had a little room in the eaves with this view!

Across the passageway in a bigger room was a large male contingent of our group.

The first evening we pulled our skis, boots, poles and lift passes.

I skiid for the first day on the KanzelWand nursery, spent most of the day on my arse, trying to catch up to the mean instructor (everyone boo hiss at Big Dave!), in tears or nursing bruises.

Day Two we went around to the nursery slopes behind the lodge (slope in front, lodge in distance!) - yep, we were REMOTE!

and I hung my skis up and moved with the 'Numpty Group' - self-named as none of us were natural skiers! New instructor (see nice young man in Part One) who asked me once if I wanted to ski, then accepted my decision not to.

Day Three and Four - more work on the nursery slope, groups changing in respect of blossoming potential. As I was the unit Spaz, I became the cheering squad for most of my colleagues and some very nice military types, including my 'flash boys'! Flash Ian and Flash Pete were young, sweet and keen! They tried snow showering and allsorts - but had trouble stopping! Always coasted to my feet with a big grin though, those boys :-)

And in Part Three, CQ and her trusty tribe go UP the mountain!

cq

Bavaria - Part One

Where were we........?

Oh yeah, I realised I hated skiing,

but I loved being with my colleagues and friends - and made some new ones!

I realised I am crap at walking on snow,

but I loved being in the Bavarian Mountains.

I can't speak German, but the locals were wonderfully friendly and Bavaria is PRETTY!

cq

Delayed Return

One patch of black ice,
one Bavarian hospital,
one ambulance,
two wheelchairs,
one chauffeured car,
one business class flight (through my insurance!),
an entire dept of the British Army (yay the lads!),
one considerate local doktor,
daily thrombosis injections,
LOTS of serious painkillers
and one disturbing MRI result later

- and I'm home........

[flexes body gently]

cq

Thoughts to Ponder

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

Who was the first person to say "See that chicken there....I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's butt."

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

What do you call male ballerinas?

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your ass?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out thewindow?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

yoo hoo!

Hello, everybody.

This is weird, the German keyboard has changed over the 'z' and the 'y' - so my typing skills are tested.

I am here at the base of the Kanzelwandbahn - ie, one feckin' big hill! Been up and down in the gondola - fighting vertigo all the way up and all the way down! Found a fab shop 'crystal ground' that sells clothing, skis plus the most lush coffee and has internet!

I've decided I am not a skiier, I am a born spectator.

Let me be clear here - I don't actually know if I am any good at it (although the instructors said I started well!) - I literally did not like the feel of the skis under my feet. I spent most of the first day in tears and at the end turned my skis in. After that I am politely asked each day if I want to put my skis on and I equally politely refuse! :-)

It's taken me three days just to learn how to walk on snow! I have fallen three times; I have twisted my ankle, ricked my neck, gained various bruises and cracked my back (the latter this morning!!

We're off to find the swimming pool and sauna tonight. I haven't decided if the lads are ready for CQ in a swimming cossie!! Tomorrow we're eating out although the food in the lodge is excellent.

All for now - 8 minutes of my half hour left and I need to check my emails!

cq

I say ... and you think ... ?

Another one stolen from Le Laquet!

She’s got some good stuff – go on over and have a look. She’s also a fellow Purple Person!

Alone :: Always alone with the Monster in my head!

Science :: crap at it! I got an ‘unmarked’ on my Chemistry O’level!

Deposit :: Can’t buy a house without one! Well, you can, but here it’s the norm.

Faithful :: Me and MB – I think! :-O

Tender :: Kisses from my Aginothlings, I especially love the tender kisses I get from LMB.

Chocolate :: The devil made it and women can’t survive without it…….

Homework :: noooooooo = my Occupational Health and Safety course which starts on the 6th Feb has LOTS of homework apparently…..

Tamper :: proof lid; I can never never open them. You know the ones on bottles of bleach and paracetemol. I'm sure there are loads of 5 year olds out there who manage it with no problem; me not a hope in hell!! (comment by le laquet kept, because it is SO true!)

Friend :: MB. Crazies. Evilboss. Blogbuddies. ‘Friends are the family you choose for yourself’

Wire :: less – oh, I would sell my soul for a laptop and wireless connection……….

Growing Old Disgracefully – the only way!

For your entertainment...left by CQ before she went to Bavaria...Aginoth

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

--- Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure."

--- The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.

--- I've sure gotten old.! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees. Fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.

--- A 97-year-old man goes into his doctor's office and says, "Doc, I want my sex drive lowered." "Sir," replied the doctor, "you're 97 Don't you think your sex drive is all in your head?" "You're damned right it is!" replied the old man. "That's why I want it lowered!"

--- An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. "Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week."

---My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

---It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.

---The good news is that even as we get older, guys still look at our boobs. The bad news is they have to squat down first.

---These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."

---I've tried to find a suitable exercise video for women my age, but they haven't made one called "Buns of Putty."

---Don't think of it as getting hot flashes. Think of it as your inner child playing with matches.

---Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up!

--- Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing.

- --THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do,
and the eyesight to tell the difference.

It's a Culture Thing...

A little Indian boy asked his father, the big chief and witch doctor of the tribe,
"Papa, why is it that we always have long names, while the white men have shorter names - Bill, Texor Sam, for example?"

His father replied, "Look, son, our names represent a symbol, a sign, or a poem for our culture not like the white men, who live all together and repeat their names from generation to generation.

Also, it is part of our makeup that in spite of everything, we survive.

For example, your sister's name is Small Romantic Moon Over The Lake, because on the night she was born, there was a beautiful moon reflected in the lake.

"Then there's your brother, Big White Horse of the Prairies, because he was born on a day that the big white horse who gallops over the prairies of the world appeared near our camp and is a symbol of our capacity to live and the life force of our people. It's very simple and easy to understand.

"Do you have any other questions, Little Broken Condom Made in China?"

Cat Rules

1. The cat is not allowed in the house.

2. OK, the cat is allowed in the house, but only in certain rooms.

3. Ok, the cat is allowed in all rooms, but must stay off the furniture.

4. The cat can get on the old furniture only.

5. Fine, the cat is allowed on all the furniture, but it is not allowed to sleep with the humans on the bed.

6. The cat can sleep on the bed, but not under the covers or on the pillow.

7. OK, The cat can sleep under the covers and on the pillow by invitation only.

8. Well, ok, the cat can sleep under the covers every night and on the pillow too.

9. Humans must ask permission to sleep under the cover with the cat; only the cat can sleep on the pillow.

3 things you don't know about me!

(Not) tagged by the gorgeous Le Laquet, but I liked this one!

I have to think of 3 things that you don't actually know about me!

Blimey!
This is a toughie, I don’t think there are three things you WANT to know about me………and you all know my quite well thanks to memes and Q&A!, nevertheless I am going to do my best to rise to the challenge!
There is of course a catch!! According to Le Laquet's rules ... the first 3 commenter's are tagged!
No lurking, because, that's just the easy way out :o)

I am 5’8½”. Tall, but not tall by my family’s standards. My mother was 5’10” in her heyday, my eldest brother is 6’4” and my second brother is 6’3”. My dad was reputedly over 6’ too. I have also inherited my mother’s broad shoulders (all that peat carrying in her ancestry, no doubt!) and very long arms. I also have a 33” inside leg!

I am half Scottish, quarter English and quarter Cornish. It might only be a quarter, but my Cornish blood runs strong. My Scottish blood warms to the sound of the bagpipes, but my English blood is rather watery.

I am not only stunned that my blog is still going strong after four months, but amazed that all you loyal blogbuddies still come visiting!

Wordless Wednesday

cq [shaking nervously]

The Good Wife's Guide

Being a SAHH (Stay At Home Housewife) these past couple of days while I get ready for skiing, I thought it might be time to study The Good Wife's Guide From Housekeeping Monthly, 13 May, 1955 - just to make sure I am doing it right - needless to say, it needs a little updating! I have amended where necessary...........

Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have be thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they get home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed.

OK - well, normally I get home after him, so that means he should have a meal ready for me? [dons kevlar vest] I'll let him know.......

Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.

15 MINUTES! After a day running around after 40 people it'll take more than 15 minutes........

Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.

He had a boring day? oh baby, let me tell you. Once you have reviewed several functional plans, ensured everyone's health and safety, dealt with the difficult world of IT, balanced the politics of several managers........oh never mind - so, how was your day, dear [ingratiating smile]

Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Run a dustcloth over the tables.

I assume by dustcloth you mean industrial cleaner?? And all the clutter is his - why should I clear that away.......he put it there........

During the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering to his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

woo hoo! Central Heating!! :-P

Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet.

[shrieks with laughter] Right, Charlie? Pandora? No fighting because your daddy is home.......like that's gonna happen in this lifetime.......

Be happy to see him.

One word - PROZAC....!

Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.

I am not a number, I am a free woman - sort of.........

Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

Yeah, right - after 20 years a glum silence is the norm........

Don't greet him with complaints and problems.

But that takes away all the fun!

Don't complain if he's late for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through at work.

If he's late, the dinner goes in the bin - no complaints..... If he stays out all night, the doors are locked - no complaints! Cool, I'm getting the hang of this housewife lark!

Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or lie him down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.

He can do that himself - what is he? Useless? oh hang on, he's a BLOKE :-)

Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.

Have you SMELT his feet lately??

Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.

I don't - but then I don't need to; I know I am always right :-)

A good wife always knows her place.

Yep, in CHARGE!!

Nice to see these old advice columns are still so pertinent.......

cq

Monday Memories

Ah - late night/early morning blogging!

This week's memory revolves around my cats. So you get four memories for the price of one.

Pandora: 16 years and going (reasonably) strong. We nearly lost her as a kitten when she came down with a mysterious virus that made her paralysed temporarily. I still remember placing her in her litter tray at appropriate moments! Her life was made complete by the arrival of Ambrose when she was about 18mths old - and destroyed when he died suddenly ten years later. Since his death she has been ill a lot with her nerves and has aged really quickly. But Uncle Tim (her wonderful vet) thinks she'll see out 20!

Ambrose: We had him before the computer and before the digitalisation of photos, so no photo at the moment but the one above is the gorgeous scrapbook made by a friend at work. He came to us at three months, this huge ginger kitten. He was incredibly careless and his vet records ran to several pages as he had a habit of cutting his paws on - oh glass, barbed wire, fence splinters....... He and Pandy were best of friends for ten years, until he was killed on a road on New Years Eve 2000. We still miss him terribly. Pandy was inconsolable and, although she didn't see us bury him, she slept on his grave for three months. He was My Boy.

Echo: We were settled with Pandy but thought she was lonely. Meanwhile my neighbour's cat was pregnant. She decided to give birth the weekend they were away, so I took her in my house and acted as midwife. Good thing too, as number two kitten was huge and got stuck and I had to forcibly deliver it. And when the runt (number three) finally arrived she would not breathe. I actually gave a kitten CPR, not easy on something the size of a matchbox! MB was out that night and when he returned he poked his head into the room, saw all the blood and went to bed! We were given the pick of the litter and chose the runt - Echo. Echo had a short happy life, she was stolen from us on the same road at only 22 months.

Charlie: We were stunned by the deaths of Ambrose and Echo in less than four years. Echo in particular as it only was 10 minutes after we saw her in the garden that the vet phoned to say she'd been brought in DOA. But we toyed with ideas and names, and decided we would take a homeless kitten (if one turned up with no home) or a special needs one (deaf, blind etc) as any future feline would be an indoor cat! The name we settled on was Charlie - but this was all hypothetical (AP - After Pandy!). But then I got an email about 'Charlie'. Coincidence or Fate? Found on a roadside in hawk country with his brothers, little Charlie couldn't get a home. We thought about it for - oh - about 30 seconds and took him. The rest, as they say, is history!

cq

Show Me The Snow........

Jacket - check
Hat - check
Muffler - check
Salopettes - check
Gloves - check
Goggles - check

ok - where dat snow..........

cq