News Roundup

Time for a small break in our regular programming for a news update.

Top story today: Popular Blog Jean-Luc Picard's Journal has recently been nominated for The Best of Blogs Most Humorous section. Nominations close tomorrow, 3 January.

Now, over to our lounge reporter:

'Well, cq, the big news here is that the tree never recovered from Hurricane Charlie, despite repeated efforts at resuscitation. Tinsel, lights and Santas have been found temporary housing in the Christmas Crate. The star is intact and has been moved to a safe house. Sadly the tree had to be put out of it's misery. Sources close to the tree say it is a sad loss as the tree was only ten years old. No other decorations were damaged in the calamity. Hurricane Charlie is still to be found gusting around the stairs and the kitchen.'

Thank you, Suzy Sofa. Now we turn to our reporter in the spare room:

'Evening cq. We are happy to report the arrival of piles of laundry, including a rather snazzy hat. There are also rumours of ski socks, thermal undies and a torch. All this evidence leads us to presume that the promised skiing trip is indeed going ahead in the next few weeks. We'll be sure and keep the audience updated.'

Thank you, Steve Sparebed. And our final report from the kitchen:

'It's all go here, cq! Stores of food are disappearing fast. We believe that Typhoon Pandora and Hurricane Charlie are partly to blame for the food shortages. New Hurricane MB is also making short work of the cold meats and pickled onions. We have it on good authority that a food run was made today by the female of the species in order to ensure enough foodstuffs to last the week.'

That was Kitty Kitchen.

And lastly, an update from the weather forecast:

Thank you, cq. Well, a depressed front is coming over from the general location of the office, bringing with it dark skies and intermittent showers. This front is expected tomorrow at about 0730, and is expected to hang around until about 1600 on Friday. We can confidently predict that blog communications will spotty during daylight hours at best. Emergency services are on standby and the gritters have been equipped with hankies.

Ladies and gentlemen, that is the end of this news update. This programme will be repeated ad nauseam on most satellite channels, before the four-week-long Friends Omnibus begins.

Sleep well and [winks] don't have nightmares.

cq out