Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Perils of Friendship

I have discovered that this season I can't hammer coins as I have developed a very painful elbow and it hurts to heft the hammer.
So, in order to fill my day and add value to the show, I volunteered to take part in the crime and punishment segment - as the adulterous wife! :-)

Of all the men in camp, my 'husband' just happened to be the biggest - and the most awesome looking.....and married in reality to a good friend of mine.

So allow me to take you back in time to 1370 and tell a sad story....

My name is Mistress Brambles and I am married to Billy Brambles, brother of Sergeant Little, sergeant at arms of my Lord Hungerford. Billy is a powerful and violent man who is an impressive soldier but not a sensitive husband and I am an unhappy wife.
I meet Arthur Fopwood, the elegant and debonair younger son of the Earl of Fopwood - meaning he has money and no responsibility. We hit it off and a friendship develops, fuelled by his love of poetry and my desperation in a tumultuous marriage.

But when my 'beloved' husband saw me promenading the castle with young Arthur of Fopwood, he demanded Arthur and I be tried by our Lord Hungerford for adultery.

He dragged me off through the market to get justice from the court. Meanwhile, Arthur was taken into custody by the guard.

Here is Segeant Little giving evidence on behalf of his wronged brother, Billy Brambles. I am begging for leniency on my knees by my husband - young Arthur is being held between the two big ugly soldiers on the right.

Sadly, my Lord found grounds for the case and decreed that Arthur's innocence would be decided by trial by combat - against my husband.

We were all required to swear our allegiance and accept the outcome of the trial on the Holy Bible. Arthur had no fighting garb, so he was dressed in the clothes of a poor recently deceased soldier.

Needless to say, despite his best efforts and using all the skills he had read about, Arthur was no match for my big angry husband - and the outcome was inevitable....

So, as a result of the trial by combat, the delightful and entertaining young Fopwood was decreed guilty, taken from the arena, stripped naked and thrown out of the castle.

But that still left my punishment. I cowered in fear as my Lord Hungerford spoke about the choices - burning at the stake or delivery into the hands of my cuckolded husband. Given the effeminate nature of Arthur, my Lord decreed that any adultery would have been impossible and decided to be lenient, handing me over to my husband for punishment as he saw fit.

I was duly taken from the field and was (very noisily) beaten by my husband.

When walking later I discovered Arthur's hat, which was my last memento of my lost friend.

So, that is the sad story of the misguided friendship between Mistress Brambles and Arthur of Fopwood - tune in tomorrow to read what it's like being an 'adulterous wife' in the 14C..



Jane said...

Well, Mistress, it seems you had quite a bad day! I hope things will begin to look up and improve.

Melli said...

Tsk tsk tsk Missy! You better find a way to get that HAT back to Arthur! Seems he may need it to cover some exposed areas! I'm not one up for adultery in ANY century ... but I'm still GLAD to live in THIS one I think!!! Burning at the stake (among other things) is such an nasty business...

I hope your "hammer elbow" is well soon! I had an extreme case of "leash elbow" from walking my dog back when she was young! It took it almost a YEAR to go away completely! Do NOT aggravate that elbow!!!

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Things seem a lot easier nowadays! Are you going to have to wear a letter 'A' (for adultress) on your dress?

YellowRose said...

You bad, bad girl!! LOL It's quite like reading/watching a soap opera 1300's style!! LOL

Love it!!

Queen-Size funny bone said...

Thatsrisky behavior, you could lose your head.

Anonymous said...

so harsh, the old days ... thank heaven for the 21st century - can you believe any one saying that!!


OldLady Of The Hills said...

I SWEAR I left a comment here yesterday or the day before! What I said was I love that you have a rather complex "part" in the Paegent now....You get to really run the gamut of emotions....Screaming and all!
This has to be a lot more fun in a way, then Hammering coins. Yes?

I wish you could be one of the Ladies Who Lunch, too....Wouldn't that be swell? And I would have a Veffie Lunch for you, too!

OldLady Of The Hills said...

"VEGGIE" Lunch! LOL! OY!

chosha said...

Walking around the castle together? Shocking behaviour! :)